Should I Pay My Friends for a Vacation I Can No Longer Attend?

Dear Sundog,

Some friends and I recently booked a big house for a mountain biking trip. It wasn’t cheap: $800 per-person for the week, and we reserved months in advance, with a strict no-cancellation policy. Since then I broke my collarbone and can’t ride my bike. I told my friends that I can’t come and that I don’t want to pay. My injury has cost me thousands in medical bills and missed work. I’m also bummed to be missing this upcoming trip. They don’t want to pay extra for my empty room. One of them suggested that I go anyway, even if I can’t ride. — Reader

Dear Reader,

On the surface this quandary is simple: you basically entered into a contract with the homeowner to pay the rental fee, knowing that with the cancellation policy, you’d have to pay even if you didn’t attend. By that standard, you should simply cough up the dough. If it would be enjoyable to hobble around a rental house while your pals ride bikes, then do it. If not, stay home.

But this situation is complicated. Our human relationships are not merely financial. The people demanding that you fulfill your promise aren’t bots or banks or faceless property managers: they are your friends. They are under no ethical obligation to bail—or buy—you out of your commitment, and yet, if they refuse, it would certainly be worth examining the true depths of their friendship.

I would like to think that a friendship is built on a stronger foundation. Friends might be willing to make a sacrifice for one of the group who has fallen on hard times. This would be quite different if you’d merely changed your mind about the trip or got too busy with work. Then they could rightfully tell you to go pound sand.

But what you describe appears to be a legitimate hardship, and you’d not be crazy to hope your friends would step up. I suppose I am also considering that people who pay $100 per night each to go mountain biking (instead of, say, camping out) are fairly comfortable financially. I assume they could feasibly pay a bit more (or invite someone else to take your place).

Sundog’s verdict: ask your friends to cover your costs. If they refuse, pay what you owe and consider finding new friends.

In a recent column, Sundog discussed the question of homeless people camping on public lands, determining that he himself would not take action to evict. One reader opined that reporting such campers was actually the ethical move:

The bourgeoisie don’t accept everyone. That is a fact—having compassion and patience for people disregarded by society is a spiritual endeavor not suitable for everyone. Having experienced violence inflicted on me that was initiated by a local newspaper article that declared war on homeless tents, and having my home of 6 months destroyed and stolen within one day, I understand the trauma inflicted by societal norms. My camp was clean and tidy yet was gone nonetheless because of a front page headline that enabled any citizen to destroy my camp and tent. That is all.

Another reader took the position that compassion trumped legality:

I would definitely work with the Forest Service/ BLM and local police to alert them to the presence of a camp, and to schedule it to be cleared after fair warning. These are much like graffiti, they spread if left unmitigated. It’s not OK and violates local and federal laws. We live near Alpine, Wyoming, on the Palisades Reservoir where seasonal construction workers live and camp way past the maximum permitted stay. Even if left clean in the fall/winter, the continuous occupancy damages the site. Cat holes with human excrement from months of use don’t go away and leach into the reservoir. Many camps aren’t left clean, and they are scary as heck to walk/ run/ bike near ruining the co-existence with local home owners and family weekend campers. So yes, you are entirely justified and, in my option, compelled to report illegal camping. Leave a note, then call the authorities.

A different but related column asked if we should report to police if we found someone squatting in a vacant Airbnb. Sundog told the questioner she was not ethically bound to report this. A reader disagreed:

No offense. Read the article. Definitely see both or all three sides of the argument. Not in agreement though.

I live in Whitefish, Montana Between the pandemic and the TV series Yellowstone, Whitefish, Bozeman and most of western Montana have been inundated with people moving here or buying up properties.

It’s both flattering and annoying. I wasn’t born here, but I have owned property here for 35 years, before Ted Turner and so many affluent people came. So I consider this to be my home, and myself to be almost native. So I can see why locals are upset: higher taxes, lack of affordable housing, etc.. But two wrongs don’t make a right.

If you see a crime, you say something. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone illegally parking in a handicapped spot, squatting in a vacant rental or abusing their dog, child, etc. Apathy and lack of respect for others or their property and the rule of law is never acceptable. That’s what is happening everywhere nowadays—especially our politicians (both parties) and their lack of accountability for their actions.

It’s just my opinion. I don’t have to like someone before I would do the right thing. And the right thing would be to make sure the squatters know there are consequences for their actions.

Mark Sundeen teaches environmental writing at the University of Montana. Got a question or a response? Email sundogsalmanac@hotmail.com