Who Gets the Running Club After a Breakup?

While some singles looking for love are downloading Hinge, an increasing number are lacing up their running shoes. In fact, a recent article by The New York Times citing a “flurry of videos on TikTok and Instagram” suggests running clubs are the best alternative to dating apps. And in April, Metro UK ran this headline “Dating apps didn’t work, so I joined a running club to find a husband instead.”

Most recently, USA Today did a feature on New York City’s premier run club for singles, Lunge Run Club. The group, which ends every run at a bar, counted 30 members when it was founded in May. Today, it has more than 1,000. But is a run club a good place to find the one? Not necessarily. In January, Australia’s SBS News reported, “This trend has some groups concerned,” and Outside recently spoke to a handful of runners who regret leveraging their beloved sport to find love.

While one club member admits running together was fun at first, things changed when his girlfriend fell for another guy in the group, and they started having an affair.

Social running clubs, or run clubs, are nothing new. In the U.K., they date back to at least the mid-19th century. Stateside, New York Road Runners was founded in 1958 as a local run club with just 40 members. Today, it serves nearly 700,000. And while it’s true that run clubs have been the source of successful, organic romances over the years, only recently have they been positioned on social media as pools of potential mates. So, what changed?

First, the COVID-19 pandemic kickstarted a running club renaissance with more people than ever pounding the pavement. Then, dating app burnout set in. People started asking themselves why they should look for a prospective partner on an app when they could meet them in person—all while getting a workout. From an efficiency standpoint, it makes sense. However, marrying fitness with pleasure does have its downsides.

These days, Sean, a 37-year-old runner, defines his 15-year relationship with running as “complicated.” Sean, who prefers to use a pseudonym, met his ex-girlfriend of two years on a club run with mutual friends. While he admits running together was fun at first, things changed when she fell for another guy in the group, and they started having an affair. Heartbroken, he ended things.

But in addition to losing her, he ultimately lost custody of his run family. “After the breakup, I avoided running with the group in case she was there with her new boyfriend,” he says. “Everything that made the relationship easy became awkward or uncomfortable.”

He also told Outside he stopped going because he didn’t want other members prying for details or offering their condolences. “Obviously, these communities talk,” says Sean. “Running was my safe place, a place to get away from all the work and life problems, and after the breakup, I didn’t have that.”

Hillary Allen, a 35-year-old professional runner, tells Outside, “sides were taken,” and some friendships were lost after things with her ex ended. They met in a running club in Golden, Colorado, before dating for a year until things got too competitive between them, and the built-up pressure was too big to ignore. “We had other things in common, but running was the main interest we shared,” she says. “That shared interest became the thing that ultimately broke us apart.”

She’d be happy to give love another shot, but based on her previous experience, she’s not eager to pursue things with anyone in her new running club in Boulder, Colorado. “I’m more inclined to take the don’t-shit-where-you-eat-approach,” she says.

Problems also arise when some members see run clubs as a hobby group and other members are on the hunt for hookups or something more serious.

Allen was able to join a new club, 20 miles away from the one where she met her ex, because she moved after her breakup. But Molly, a 41-year-old runner who asked to have her last name withheld, wasn’t so lucky. Her ordeal didn’t even involve an ex, just an unwanted admirer. Shortly after joining her local running club in Tennessee last summer, Molly felt targeted by a member who kept singling her out as an Asian runner—she was the only one in the club—and sharing his preferences for dating Asian women.

“It’s really sucked for me because I live in a small place, and the guy is part of every single run group in town,” she commented on a recent Reddit post titled “Any women have a bad experience in a run club?” While she shut down his advances, she didn’t feel comfortable bringing her concerns to the group leaders. “I wasn’t sure anyone else would support me or if people would be annoyed that a newcomer was creating drama,” she says.

Molly hasn’t given up running. However, she’s not eager to join another running group, something she’s been a part of since high school when she competed in track and cross country. “The thought of going back doesn’t feel fun to me, and what else is a hobby group for?” she tells Outside.

Unfortunately, people acting inappropriately are everywhere. But problems also arise when some members see run club as a hobby group and other members, often well-intentioned, are on the hunt for hookups or something more serious. Flirting, or putting out feelers, has to be a two-way street. That’s why Midnight Runners, which has clubs all around the world, now hands out wristbands at special events to designate members open to mingling. “It’s a nod to those who are looking for something more than just friends,” founder James Holt says.

“I’ve heard of people who end up alternating weeks or splitting days with their former partners.”

Other clubs rely on vibes. One runner, who prefers to remain anonymous, tells Outside his inner suburb club in Melbourne, Australia, consists mostly of young professionals and “skews toward DTF.” That’s why he didn’t hesitate to hook up with a fellow member. When asked if things were weird at the next club run, he laughs. “If anything, it made things less awkward because now you really got to know someone, and instead of having sexual tension and ambiguity, you’re now at ease around them,” he says.

Of course, sometimes flirting or fooling around leads to more serious relationships. Jen, a queer woman who founded a Seattle run club and prefers to use a pseudonym, saw many couples form in the decade she spent leading group runs. In 2016, she even officiated the wedding of a couple who met after becoming members. However, she admits happy endings aren’t guaranteed. Her last run club relationship fizzled out after a year. Her ex stopped showing up for their weekly runs, but when neither party wants to leave or risk running into each other, it can get complicated. “I’ve heard of people who end up alternating weeks or splitting days with their former partners,” she says.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, Katie d’Autremont, a couples therapist in Montana, suggests having the “who gets the club if we break up?” conversation sooner than later. “Consider discussing this in the earlier stages of the relationship to determine whether moving forward with the relationship outweighs the potential loss of a common interest group,” she says. Of course, in her professional opinion, ideally, couples should be able to maintain their participation in the club regardless of the relationship’s outcome.

Given the gift of hindsight, Sean says moving forward he’ll be more aware of other peoples’ intentions and trust his gut if it feels like boundaries are being crossed. His biggest advice for anyone looking to find, or foster, love at run club is ironic. “Move slow,” he says. “Make sure you’re all in and willing to take the risk.”

Katie Jackson is a Montana-based travel writer whose work has been published by Travel & Leisure, Condé Nast Traveler, USA TODAY, and more. She’s never tried to find love in a run club, but if you see her at the dog park, there’s a good chance she’s single.