OLYMPICS PREVIEW: Why Winning a Gold Medal Wasn’t What I Expected, with Nick Goepper

Paddy: so what about halfpipe is making you really excited right now?

Nick: I saw halfpipe as a new challenge to, to conquer. And that's fun for me. When I stopped slopestyle, it was 'cause I was bored and it, it just got very routine and I didn't wanna do it anymore. When I looked over at halfpipe, it was like. I was rhyming what I was doing, but it wasn't the exact same thing.

The tricks and the, and the practice and the, and the locations and the environments are very similar with halfpipe. It's a different group of people. It's like similar but different. , It would be like playing half court basketball versus full court basketball.

It's like the same thing, but it's like a little bit fundamentally different. It was just like enough, change for me to excite me and get me stoked to like, want to try, try out what I was good at, but in a, different, venue,

Paddy: well, and that's an interesting thing that you say there with different people. Did it feel like when you, entered into halfpipe, did it feel like more like warm and inviting? Did it feel like you're like, oh, I think I kind of found my people in [00:01:00] skiing.

Nick: No, because I started winning.

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PADDYO VO:

Have you ever heard of a plant called the Rose of Jericho? It’s fascinating. For one, it doesn’t look anything like a rose. It’s small, green, with tiny roots—it looks kind of like a tiny Christmas wreath that someone threw into the dirt of the deserts where it’s usually found. At least, that’s what it looks like when there’s some water lying around. The Rose of Jericho is legendary amongst floraphiles for its ability to survive complete dessication. In a drought, it folds itself into a lil brown ball, pulls up its roots, and blows in the wind like a mini tumbleweed until the rain falls and it comes back to life in all its pretty green glory. Apparently these things can survive, dormant, for up to 50 years.

If you follow sports, you’ll [00:02:00] occasionally see this kind of resiliency from certain, exceptional athletes. Kurt Warner was a grocery store clerk before quarterbacking the Rams to a Super Bowl victory. Three years later he was relegated to the bench, languishing for six years before re-emerging to lead the Arizona Cardinals to their first-ever Super Bowl. In 2021, gymnast Simone Biles dropped out of the Olympics to protect her mental health, only to come back four years later and utterly dominate the podium. US Ski Team downhill legend Lindsey Vonn recently came out of retirement and is looking to do the same at this winter’s Games in Cortina, Italy, which will be her … let me check my notes … 97th Olympics.

Speaking of the upcoming Games, it will feature another classic Rose of Jericho athlete: former slopestyle-turned-halfpipe skier, Nick Goepper.

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You probably remember Nick from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi where, at 19 [00:03:00] years old, he won a bronze medal in slopestyle as part of an American podium sweep alongside Gus Kenworthy and Joss Christensen. Nick was an unlikely ski phenom, growing up as he did in Lawrenceburg, Indiana, where he learned to ski at a hill boasting only 400 vertical feet. But he showed so much promise as a terrain park skier that, at 15, he moved to the foot of Oregon’s Mount Hood to attend a ski academy. From there, he began winning first national competitions, then international competitions, and pretty soon was a fixture at the sport’s pinnacle event: the Winter X Games. And then came the Olympics.

Nick’s life changed after Sochi, and not for the better. It’s not uncommon for world class athletes to struggle when they achieve their biggest goals, and that’s exactly what happened to Nick. His smiling face adorned cereal boxes and peanut butter jars, [00:04:00] he threw out the first pitch at the season opener for the Cincinnati Reds, and appeared on Late Night With David Letterman. But he was suffering from depression and panic attacks, self medicating with alcohol, and spiraling. At his lowest point, Nick was arrested for criminal mischief after being caught throwing rocks at passing cars while visiting his family in Indiana. Nick went to rehab and retired from slopestyle skiing.

But he didn’t go far. A stint competing at rollerblading rekindled his love of competition; more importantly, his time away from the spotlight helped him understand who he was beyond just an Olympic skier. When he was ready, Nick returned—not to the slopestyle courses he previously dominated, but to the venue right next door: the halfpipe. The transitions might be a little different, but the results have been pretty much the same. Last year, Nick won both the X Games [00:05:00] and the World Championships in halfpipe.

Thirty one is an improbable age for a skier to mount an Olympic halfpipe run, but that’s exactly what Nick’s doing this winter. And he’s not just resurrected as an athlete; Nick’s sense of self, self worth, and ability to chase his dreams while facing his demons is every bit as remarkable. He hasn’t been that comfortable talking about his mental health journey, and I’m grateful to him for the way he opened up in our conversation. I hope you will be, too.

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Paddy: First things first, burnt toast. What's your last humbling and or hilarious moment? Outside?

Nick: I was recently in SA Fe, Switzerland.

Paddy: Okay.

Nick: It was about 11 o'clock in the morning, so I'd say about two and a half hours after breakfast,

and I had something coming on. Like I had a emergency situation,

Paddy: Oh, oh, dear God.

Nick: in the, the lower part of my body, if you will.

Paddy: mm. [00:06:00] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nick: and I was like, where do I go to take care of business?

Now, mind you, the lodge is like three T bars, a skate and a groomer away, and it probably takes 45 minutes just to go there and back. and so the only other alternative was somewhere on this, glaciated, area that was massive, that we're on and we're way above the, tree line in the Alpine.

So there's nothing to like hide behind. And so I'm like, dude, I gotta make a choice here. Okay, either I'm gonna like kill a part of my day and go all the way to the lodge and come back or I just gotta bite one and just go rip it somewhere on the glacier.

and so I did, and I'm not ashamed to say I did when nature calls, sometimes you gotta answer.

Paddy: And then I just had the thought that this is going to be here forever There is no biodegrading of this specimen, this high up at like 11,000 feet. Um, so I feel like I owe, I owe it to myself [00:07:00] to try and find it next year.

That is a treasure hunt that I do not wanna be on, but I do think it's very hilarious. Your last humbling, moment outside is doing an international So good for you, I guess.

Nick: I don't know. I don't, I guess too, I mean, I, that's what immediately came to mind though, so.

Paddy: Um, man, Alright.

Let's get into it.

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What was your relationship with relationship, competition when you were younger? Like, I know that you're the eldest of four siblings.

I too come from, a house of four siblings. Are there any early childhood moments of like kick down drag outs while playing Nintendo or football in the backyard?

Nick: That's a good question I would say that the majority of my competition experience came from like, friends on sports teams and then also my dad. my dad always kind of had like pretty, high expectations for me.

just kind of like a. pull it up by your [00:08:00] bootstraps. Never quit, like finish the job. You know, that kind of like stern parenting style.

Paddy: Was the competitive nature of your dad, like, was that something like a Midwestern type of sensibility? Because I, I get that, you know, especially with traditional team sports. Did it feel like a pressure or did it feel like this is like what the Goeppers do? Like this is a family

thing, you know, like we

try hard and we try to achieve, is that it?

Nick: the latter. This is what the Goeppers do. We try to achieve. We try hard. I never got a sense of, of overbearingness or trying to, live a second life vicariously through me. Just like a pretty like conservative, like Midwest dad approach.

Um, and it worked really well. I mean, I've got two amazing parents and they had high expectations for us, but not crippling expectations. And there's a, you know, there's a,

Paddy: It wasn't like, you better get in first, or you're not eating dinner tonight or something like that so did that

feel, did that feel good? Does this still ring true for you today?

Nick: Yeah. It felt [00:09:00] great. It felt great. Like quitting was never an option.

Paddy: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Nick: you know, if we, like, if we signed up for some activity at school, like we, we, we did the whole thing, like if it was like a, piano lessons, like.

Even maybe by the second lesson we hated it.

Like we still gotta do every single one all the way to the end and then you can stop. Like

you gotta do the whole season or like just commitment, like stay, stay true to this commitment. And that was really important

Paddy: Yeah.

Nick: PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE

Paddy: What about when you were just starting out in competition skiing? Did you feel like you enjoyed competition for competition's sake?

Or was it more like, oh, I'm really good at this and I really love winning?

Nick: I think it was, this is a, vehicle that pushes me to get better and get out of my comfort zone

with other people. don't think I started off skiing as, as in like, I wanna win everything. I think it was, it was more like, I wanna learn new tricks and I wanna demonstrate those tricks in like a field of play.

that I'm gonna get [00:10:00] rewarded for and it's gonna get recognized. And then I want to, compare those amongst my peers and see like the differences. like when I was a kid, I always looked up to the people who were in the X Games

and I always wanted to get there.

I always wanted to be on that stage.

that was my dream as a kid.

Paddy: Do you think it had something to do with, like, you wanted to feel that sort of same acclaim or love from the audience that the other skiers were getting like that you saw on tv?

Nick: I wanted to do something really, really cool with my life. That's what it was. I mean, I'm from southeastern Indiana. I went to a, rural high school but like I saw like a career professional skiing. Having grown up in Indiana as like one of the coolest things I could have done

with my life And I think it was more about that, like sort of hero's journey in my mind. more than anything.

Paddy: Was there a specific moment when you were a kid, when you were like, oh, I can kind of get outta this town and be this pro skier that I want to have. You know? 'cause I have to, I have to [00:11:00] think that like the, there was a time when you're like, oh, I'm not just like good at skiing. Like I can be great at this thing.

Nick: I was 14 years old and it was in the springtime at, uh, my home mountain, which is called Perfect North, about 400 400 feet tall. And there was this jump that they had built in the springtime and it had like a super steep takeoff, almost like a quarter pipe, like takeoff.

I did a double back flip and at that point I was like, I think I could do this. at that time , I'd also been you know, an internet nerd too, like, you know, free skier.com, new schoolers.com, like, or whatever, MySpace, Facebook, whatever.

And, you know, just comparing notes between me and some of the, kids my age, like on the other side of the country and the tricks that they were doing and like the contests that I was seeing what were the best runs that were being done? And, and, uh, I just took mental notes and then I was like, dude, I think I can, I think I can do this.

Paddy: Did you feel like at this time, like your elite level of, ski prowess, let's call it was the same as your identity

Nick: I think it [00:12:00] was enough to back up my enthusiasm

to like change the trajectory of my life

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Paddy: when you were 15 and you moved out to go to the academy in Oregon, were you scared or were you more excited? I remember, for instance, being 18 and going away to college, and I was just a three and a half hour drive away from where I grew up. and I was like super excited. And then the day came to, actually like drive to Indianapolis and I was like, oh, I'm actually like a big ball of fear right now.

I have to imagine that some part of you, even though you saw the potential, for a career in skiing, at 15 years old you were like, mom, dad, don't go.

Was that going on?

Nick: Yeah. Um, I think it was so unknown that. it calmed the, the fear down a little bit because when you know what you're getting yourself into in some situations there's like an expectation and, a benchmark

but, you know, the, this journey I was about to embark on [00:13:00] was, uh, like nothing I'd ever done before. I mean, I'd only been skiing in the western part of the United States once at that point. I'd never hung around people on the West coast to begin with. And so, I was like a baby experiencing the world for the first time, basically.

Paddy: And all of that was exciting. None of that was fearful because fear

of the unknown, like fear of, showing up in a situation and not knowing what's gonna happen is like, that's a thing that's like crippling to adults and definitely crippling to teenagers. You didn't have any of that. That's shocking.

Nick: No, because I wasn't going back.

Paddy: What do you mean?

Nick: I didn't have a plan B, I had no choice.

Paddy: it seems like a superpower for a 15-year-old, honestly.

Nick: I mean, it is when you, frame it like that, like this is what I'm doing, I'm not giving myself an out, like, I, I must succeed in this because the life I was living, I don't want to go back to that, you know, call it pride or, commitment or whatever. But like, I think there's a sense of peace that you get [00:14:00] when you fully commit to something.

and then it became a little more. competitive after that. okay, how can I get on the Dew Tour? How can I get an invite to the X Games? Oh, now the Olympics are a thing.

How can I get to the Olympics and compete on the world stage?

Paddy: Did that feel like an opportunity again, to achieve? Or the further along you got in your career, the better you got? Was it also like, oh shit, like I gotta, I gotta like, show up, I gotta win. Like I've got some pressure on me.

Nick: No, it felt like something I wanted to do, like. Instead of have to do, it feels like something I wanted to do. That distinction has flip flopped a lot throughout my career. Like there's times when you feel like you have to do something and times when you want to do something.

Paddy: How does that help you?

Nick: injuries. Last year I had this contest in, uh, Calgary, Canada and I got this really bad bruise on my, uh, thigh in practice. Um.

And like to the point where I like limped off into the lodge after practice that day.

Well, I had to compete two days later, so I had a choice. Either I [00:15:00] like skied through this and do this event, which I really could have used the, you know, the points and the prize money, or I could just pull the plug and bail on this contest. And so at that point you have to engage the, I have to do this part of my brain instead of the like, I want to do this because then that is what gets you through to that finish line.

And I got second in that World cup. and it was a, a great contest, great finish, so.

Paddy: Yeah. A a lot of times I think for most people, when they're feeling I have to over, I get to, that doesn't necessarily feel like a switch. It kind of feels like you're a passenger in that emotion. Right? It's something that kind of happens to you. Do you feel like you have your hand on the dial and you can control it?

Nick: Yes. Most of the time.

Paddy: How in the hell do you do that?

Nick: I don't know. I think it's like as long as you're grateful for where you're at and what you're doing and realize the kinda opportunity you have in front of you, I think you can switch in and out of like, I want [00:16:00] to do this or I have to do this,

Paddy: Do you find that you can do that in your personal life as well? Or is this something that is just kind of segmented or siloed off into skiing?

Nick: Personal life too, for

Paddy: How do you, how do you do that?

Nick: I'll use my amazing girlfriend as an example. So she's getting a master's degree right now, and she's working long, hard days and nights to achieve this, to the point where she is not cooking anything at home. So when I'm home, I'm doing all the cooking

and I love cooking most of the time. Sometimes I don't.

And so when she's staying up late till 11:00 PM on a Sunday night doing homework, and I just kind of wanna veg out and do nothing and watch TV or like do whatever, I gotta cook dinner and I don't wanna cook dinner, but I have to cook dinner

because that's what a good boyfriend does.

And so just engage that like, I have to do this, and that's okay.

Paddy: Do you also feel like you have your hand on the dial going like, well, I better switch this to like, I get to do this 'cause like, this lovely woman who's living with me doesn't have to live with me.

Nick: [00:17:00] Yeah, exactly,

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Paddy: Something I've heard about competition skiing, especially big air slopestyle and halfpipe, is that it's really cliquey. It kind of like, uh, high school esque cool kids at the cool kids table, and then there's the kids left out on the exterior. Have you ever felt this kind of like you were on the outside

Nick: Yes. Pretty much my entire skiing career I think I, in a way, it's my personality and also it can be an advantage sometimes. So if you sort of willingly, separate yourself. From the group, then you have, you know, more control over your time to do what you want with it.

Um, but at the same time, that can cost you, relationships and belonging Um, when you're on the road, when you're in these, you know, different environments where you might crave that so I would say it definitely comes with its trade offs.

Paddy: I'm a little confused here. do you feel like [00:18:00] you have purposely separated yourself from the kind of cliquey, cool kid crew or do you feel like you were pushed towards the outside?

Nick: I feel like in the beginning I was pushed towards the outside and then about halfway through my career, I just chose to stay there because it was working for me. you know, and , I cared a little but also. I just couldn't afford to care at the same time because one thing I didn't do was party, like ever,

from like, pretty much 15 to 20. when a lot of like teenage sort of phenoms might be going out to the bar to try to impress their, older friends with, like how drunk they can get.

I just never did that. I had mentors in my life that counseled me against it, and then it just wasn't really in my values to begin with. Like, I just, liked going to bed early. I liked like eating a home-cooked meal and, and then getting up and going skiing the next day. The socializing at night aspect I didn't really care about.

And when you remove yourself from that environment. It can [00:19:00] oftentimes be off-putting for the people that are like in the community because it looks as if you're too good for them or you don't wanna hang out with them or you don't like them. you know, 'cause you sort of, sometimes people assume, the worst, unfortunately.

And, I'm not trying to be like a bad guy or anything, but it can come off that way if you don't, you know, hang out. It just comes down to hanging out. Really.

Paddy: Do you feel like early on in your career that cost you a sense of friendship and belonging within the community of terrain park skiing,

Nick: Yes,

Paddy: Did that feel lonely?

Nick: Yes.

Paddy: How'd you deal with that

Nick: I had different friends

Paddy: outside of skiing?

Nick: Yes. I, a lot of times chose to surround myself with people that were like in skiing, but not like directly, uh, competing with me or just people that were not in skiing whatsoever because I found I was a lot more relaxed and could be more myself [00:20:00] and could focus more on hanging out and just being a kid rather than like comparing myself to this person in a skiing context, if that makes sense.

, You know, feeling ostracized and, and feeling like I didn't belong was kind of more in the beginning of my career from ages like 15 to like 21,

like new kid on the scene. He is skiing really well. He is from Indiana, like quiet, you know, we don't really know his personality. you know, that was kind of those years and then later when I was around 28 is when I retired from slopestyle skiing after three Olympics.

And at that point I just grew tired of the, the repetition and the routine of, training and competition. So, I was pretty stoked on my career and happy to be done.

Paddy: I get a feeling like it felt, like you were burned out, and then, you know, you made this interesting switch to halfpipe and you've said that halfpipe is delivering the fun that you missed out on,

so what about halfpipe is making you really excited right now?

Nick: I saw halfpipe as a new challenge [00:21:00] to, to conquer. And that's fun for me. When I stopped slopestyle, it was 'cause I was bored and it, it just got very routine and I didn't wanna do it anymore. When I looked over at halfpipe, it was like. I was rhyming what I was doing, but it wasn't the exact same thing.

The tricks and the, and the practice and the, and the locations and the environments are very similar with halfpipe. It's a different group of people. It's like similar but different. , It would be like playing half court basketball versus full court basketball.

It's like the same thing, but it's like a little bit fundamentally different. It was just like enough, change for me to excite me and get me stoked to like, want to try, try out what I was good at, but in a, different, venue,

Paddy: well, and that's an interesting thing that you say there with different people. Did it feel like when you, entered into halfpipe, did it feel like more like warm and inviting? Did it feel like you're like, oh, I think I kind of found my people in skiing.

Nick: No, because I started winning. I 'cause the first season that I [00:22:00] skied halfpipe, I skied every single contest in jeans as sort of a way to remember my Indiana skiing roots,

you know, and I had like red hair and blue hair and like, I never got better than like fourth place.

I think I got a third at one contest in Mammoth. I knew I wasn't gonna be winning that year. So I had more fun to express myself. And then the next year I was like, okay, I think I can, win this thing, so I need to get serious. so I did,

Paddy: on, you put on like trousers then, you know, and

like a, a, a button down and a, a tie. you know, briefcase, the whole deal.

Nick: Nice sports jacket. Yeah, exactly.

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PADDYO VO:

More from skier and Olympian Nick Goepper after the break.

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Paddy: Let's talk about this idea of, centering fun in your skiing,

Nick: Yeah. Yeah.

Paddy: you've said that the Olympics have never really been that fun for you and you're heading into an Olympic season. Right [00:23:00] now you're heading back to the Olympics. So how are you feeling about it? Is there dread, determination, something else?

Nick: it's going good so far and I'm looking forward to it. I think there's a lot more I can elaborate on when it comes to the fun of the Olympics because I think it's, it's a lot more nuanced than how it comes off at face value.

But every Olympics that I ha have been to, I have very cherished memories of, and there are moments that are very. Fun,

like opening ceremonies and, interacting with the people from the host country and, the food and like transportation, like, you know, the weird stuff. Um, it's always fun stuff to like look back on.

Um, yeah, there's a lot more nuance.

Paddy: Well, when you say it hasn't been fun, but there has been moments of fun, what do you mean?

Nick: When I go to the Olympics like this will be my fourth one, I've had more, of a 30,000 foot view. To experience it and take it all in as I get older and more and more [00:24:00] mature and get more patience.

When I was 19 at the, at my first Olympics, I had so much anxiety.

I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know where in the world I was. I didn't know how much was on the line. I didn't know what the media, like there was all this stuff. Right? And as you get older, you just get to, you just handle it better and you get to experience things, more slowly.

And the other thing I would say is that, and this, could be different for different people, but there's a very small percentage of people who go to the Olympics to win.

Paddy: Yeah.

Huh?

Nick: Like I would say most Olympians don't go to the Olympics to win. and think about it like this. In a given discipline, there are three athletes that get medals and that is it.

Three that leaves the rest of the field, that are there to participate and that are the best in the world. realistically, like there's a large percentage of that field that [00:25:00] knows that their experience is just different than maybe someone who's, could be in that top three.

I've just always put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself and, and focus, um, at these events, which has taken a little bit of like, the fun away from it.

, I was in Beijing at the Olympics and like one of the most fun things that I did

at the Olympics in the Olympic Village was go to the gift shop in the middle of the, village. And they had this like little display of Chinese culture, models of like Chinese temples and stuff and like read about uh, different eras of, Chinese, uh, society. And that was super interesting and fun and I'm like.

Uh, this is the part, this is like the fun part of this experience, like going and, and doing triple corks or whatever, like huge tricks when it's like minus 20 and super windy and

you know, that part, like not really that fun at that moment,

Paddy: So does, does it feel like it's still like super high pressure and you're putting yourself into a position of feeling that high pressure? 'cause you expect a lot [00:26:00] out of yourself, but as you're getting older, you're like, I can also let in a little bit of the fun because I have some experience with this.

I know how to turn it on and turn it off.

Nick: Yes, exactly. You nailed it that ability to turn it on to like, okay, I have to do this,

um, with the, with that underlying realization that I get to do this, And want to do this. And as you get older, like I find that, you just learn how to, manage that switch, because when you're 19, the switch is on all the time, 24 7, 365, and when you get to be 31,

it's like, alright, I'm in control of this switch.

Okay? I can completely relax and watch a movie with my girlfriend and have a nice meal and like have it super chill weekend

and then like the next week I can be like a complete psychopath and win the X Games.

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Paddy: Another interesting or unexpected adjective that you have used for your time at the Olympics [00:27:00] or your overall Olympic experience is lonely. Which is very

surprising to me. 'cause I think that like a lot of people would expect, you know, exciting, dreamy, stressful, intimidating, surreal, even, but not lonely.

Can you explain what you mean by that?

Nick: I think there's a lot of people that experience those emotions you just described, there are moments of that, like opening ceremonies is one of those, right?

You are with your teammates, you walk into the stadium, there's, fireworks and performers and, and people.

If there's not COVID and it's, Complete elation.

although you do have to go back to the Olympic Village and you do have to practice, and you do have to prepare for your event. And depending on who you are, like, I'm not leaving without a medal. right. Like I'm not leaving without a medal.

Okay. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

And I just know that I'm not gonna let anything get in my way to distract me from doing that. if you have to be lonely for two [00:28:00] weeks, then so be it. Because when, you know, maybe my teammates want to go out and like socialize with athletes from other disciplines and countries.

I want to stay at the, Hotel and like meditate and like visualize my runs and like, ice my knee that's sore. Like,sometimes you just have to prioritize time for yourself. And at the Olympics it's especially important to do that.

And it might require you to like forego some of these times to socialize.

Paddy: What it sounds like you're describing is like a bit of the eye of the tiger kind of determination and that seems like you're more in control of this isolation. Right? And so , maybe a sense of loneliness. Might occur from that, but it's, in service of the ultimate goal. But I'm wondering if this type of feeling is only specific to the Olympics. Do you feel like you've ever felt this type of loneliness that you weren't in control of in your personal life?

Nick: Yes.

Paddy: Can you elaborate on that?

Nick: Yeah, for sure. [00:29:00] Um,

Paddy: You

seem uncomfortable. Am I pushing you in into an uncomfortable

Nick: no. It's great. No, it's perfect. It's perfect. This is great. Um,

Ever since I was a kid, I've, been very like, lifestyle driven, particularly with, outdoors and athletics my lifestyle has, really always been like the activities and the passions at the center of it. and the thing I was doing was always the most fun for me, and the most important who I was doing it with was a added bonus.

Paddy: Mm-hmm.

Nick: A lot of people, like, they might start skiing or start riding motorcycles or start going to church or like, whatever it is, because other people invite them in to do it. I've always sort of led with, oh, I love this thing.

I'm gonna do it. And if there's other people around it that I enjoy, great. If not. Fine, I'll do it alone. And it has at times been very lonely and I think to my detriment, because I don't prioritize, like surrounding myself with like a [00:30:00] well connected, social group at times.

Paddy: And that can be, very challenging, for your mental health too. and so that's been a thing that I've constantly been trying to improve as, uh, as I've gotten older What has happened when you haven't prioritized that

Nick: Well there's good and bad things that can happen, the good thing that could happen is that whatever you're focused on, you just do it more and get better at it. And sometimes that could be like your profession, like skiing, right? Like, all right, cool. If I don't have any friends that wanna hang out with me, I'll just do this thing that I'm good at and I'll get better at it.

on the other hand, if you don't have any friends that want to hang out with you, then loneliness can lead to negative thoughts and emotions that aren't good for your wellbeing.

Paddy: Well. If you feel comfortable, let's talk a little bit about that. Like after your first Olympics in Sochi, you hit a scary inflection point in your life. You said you were drinking daily, you were depressed, you were suicidal. What was going on mentally and emotionally when you got home in 2014?

Nick: I felt a sense of [00:31:00] loss, an existential crisis.

Paddy: Yeah.

Nick: I just reached a very high point in my life professionally. I went, I went through a period of time when everyone around me was telling me I was the greatest thing in the world.

And then, the thing that really tripped, me off was I had went to Mammoth Mountain, California to ski for two weeks. And when I was there, this was in the spring in May, I wasn't enjoying skiing at all.

Paddy: Mm

Nick: In fact, it wasn't fun at all. I just didn't wanna do it. I just wanted to like, stay in my hotel room and not do anything.

I didn't wanna get outta bed to go skiing.

Paddy: mm.

Nick: And that to me, uh, was like a huge, like, red flag like the sirens were going off. I'm like, this is like, I was actually confused more than anything. I'm like, this is really weird. I've never felt this before. I've always been so driven to like, wanna ski and get better and learn new tricks my entire life.

And so I was also dealing with, an injury. so I went home to my parents' house after that. And you know, that's where [00:32:00] things kinda spiraled.

Paddy: Yeah,

Nick: ' cause I didn't know, like what is, I didn't, I didn't have any purpose, you know, I, I I was living a very non-traditional life. A lot of kids my age, like went to high school, they went to college and they get a job. Like, I was not on that track. I was on a very different track and I was having a lot of success on this track that I was on.

and I could relate to very few people, you know, that was very, very tough for me. The like, relatability. It wasn't like I could talk to my classmate that was right beside me about like the party the night before the test that was coming up or whatever. Like, you know, I couldn't necessarily talk to anybody who had just won Olympic medal and gone on David Letterman like no one

Paddy: Yeah,

Nick: Could relate to that.

So that was tough.

Paddy: seems like, I mean, it seems like outwardly all these like accolades are happening inwardly, you're like, I'm confused. I don't feel the way that I think I'm supposed to, and I'm wondering if you, at this time were talking to anybody about this, another skier or a coach, a therapist, family members.

Nick: No, no, not [00:33:00] really. Definitely should have been. At this point in my life skiing was, how I measured all points of, my life that like made up. Me as a, as a human being, like, am I a good person? Am I successful? am I nice? Do I give back? am I like all those things.

I just, you know, were all bottled up in this one obsession, which was skiing.

And so if skiing wasn't going well, I wasn't going well, if skiing was going great, I was going great. You know, and when you wrap all your, uh, your being up in something like that and you don't have any balance in your life, it can really lead to, catastrophe.

And so when I was bottling up all these feelings and not talking to anybody, and I didn't really realize the power of talking to people either at that time, but you know, I just started looking for ways to escape. And one of those, which was incredibly easy that I knew about was drinking.

And so, um. you know, it all started at [00:34:00] this party. and that's when I like used alcohol as a self-medication for the first time ever.

and it kind of like opened up some floodgates that, uh, I really didn't know how powerful they were.

Um, and it only exacerbated the, problem.

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Paddy: way that I've described, my chaotic twenties of, drinking and, drug addiction is like, when you're like emotionally, , unmoored when you drink and do drugs, it's like when you get the star in Mario Brothers and you're like, untouchable. And it feels like nothing can hurt you. There's no sharp edges. Uh, you can run through a wall without, blinking an eye. But just like the star in Mario Brothers, it's only there for a time period and a short time period and

then afterwards, you come crash landing

back to earth. Did it feel like that for you?

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, it did. the only way I can describe it is, uh, escape

escapism.

Paddy: [00:35:00] Yes.

Nick: I wasn't trying to have a good time or, or have fun even, I was just trying to

escape these feelings of now any, anything that can transport me out of now is what I want.

You know, when you go to sleep like when you go to sleep at 10 o'clock and then you wake up eight o'clock the next morning, sure it's, 10 hours. But if you're really tired, it goes like that.

Like you sleep really quickly. Right.

what I would do is I would drink and then I would set alarms. Every hour of the night at 11 o'clock. At 12 o'clock, at one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, four o'clock, five o'clock. And the reason I would do this is because I would try and extend the nighttime portion of my day as long as I possibly could, because that was the time that I could be by myself and not be bothered by anybody.

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Paddy: You go to rehab, you've been in recovery since, and you've also continued skiing. Do you feel now that your [00:36:00] self-worth

is no longer attached to your performance, even though you're pushing yourself to achieve, you're going to the Olympics to win a goddamn medal, you know, you're not leaving without one. But do you feel like your self worth is no longer tied up in this?

Nick: I think it's nearly impossible. Not, I mean, of, of course it is like a little less than before. I would say it's certainly more balanced than before. . I've, you know, have some, demons that I've really been working out the last few years, that I'm making tremendous progress with.

I've got a stable, You know, friend group in Utah, I've got amazing parents. Like I've got all, you know, the supports, the support systems are there.

and of course, skiing's how I make my living too. And so I wanna be able to do what I love and support my life and set myself up for a better future, you know, once skiing's over with.

There is still certainly a part of my self-worth that's [00:37:00] displayed, in my skiing. But it's not everything anymore. It's not everything and it can't be it's not sustainable.

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Paddy: What has helped you reach the balance in your skiing, but also the balance, more importantly, in your personal life?

Nick: Well, first of all, I'd say I'm still working on it. Second of

Paddy: No doubt. Same. Same?

Nick: I think you have to latch on things that you love.

I think that's key. You know, my girlfriend right now you know, we've been dating for four years like this is a really amazing person that I love and support.

I know they support me. you know, how can I derive like meaning and purpose from this relationship? I think that's really important The other thing is, I've always been hobby and activity driven, I need something to love to be really into. and I really love my family and in fact like history too and I like combining those two [00:38:00] things.

Before I came out here to this training camp, I went to Germany for three days to, uh, search for my family roots from the

small village that they grew up in and like immigrated to America in the 1850s. And just going down that rabbit hole of something completely like meaningless to my professional life, but like tremendously fulfilling and fun for my personal life, I think helps give me balance because, you know, it's not all about double corks all the time.

Paddy: Well, I wanna push back just a little bit because

I totally understand that, having passion in things outside of your profession, in your personal life can lead to a lot of fulfillment. but something interesting about what you said there is, you know, you said your family and you said the relationship that you're in with your girlfriend, , these are both things that are external to you.

and I'm wondering about the things kind of internally that have shifted for you since 2014. What I know personally of, recovery is that it is necessary to build [00:39:00] self-worth And the destruction of the lie that we tell ourselves that we're unlovable.

Do you feel like in your path, in recovery, in your path towards positive mental health, you've built this foundation of You know, if skiing is taken away, if I have none of these like external things, I'm still Nick Goepper, a man who is worthy of love. Like I love myself. I know that

today. Can you say that today?

Nick: I can say that today, I would say that building this foundation of self-worth, I don't think I built it in 2015 and it's super strong ever since. I think that I'm more aware of the types of building blocks and where to put them, it's a daily, weekly, yearly, task to, keep refining that foundation because it's definitely.

Been like very bumpy since 2014, even But I think being grateful has been really important to me, like recognizing how lucky, fortunate I am to [00:40:00] have the things, in my world that I do. Family, friends, you know, skiing opportunities, that sort of thing. journaling, meditation, prayer, visualization, healthy food. Being conscious of these things that make up the human body and, Spirit and soul. one thing that's super important that you'll find in recovery circles, but I think for everyone, is believing that you are a part of something bigger than yourself. And I try to do that.

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Paddy: Something that I think that. Skiing and recovery have in common is that while you need to take what you are doing very seriously, you better be making sure not to take yourself seriously, meaning that laughter and humor, staying at the core of both is, essential for success.

And in that regard, I can't help but think that this kind of career renaissance that you're having is because at a certain level, you're very open to laughing [00:41:00] at yourself, and you do it a lot. Am I right?

Nick: Yeah. I have a very dry sense of humor, I would say, and I think that, you know, humor is something that was. Really important to me with this career renaissance, as you've said, because, part of that was losing some big sponsors. that was really tough. I told them I was retiring.

I, I told them I was quitting, so I would've left me too, if my asset said they weren't gonna be an asset anymore. Understandable.

That's business. But then when I returned, I had a sense of freedom

you know, I wasn't a spokesman for these, these brands anymore.

And so I felt like I could just kind of be myself, which was a very cool feeling.

So I did, and I have been, I've got some different sponsors now some are like more in the in line. Kind of being funny, crazy self, um, which is cool, like Pit Viper.

But I think one of the best ways to understand serious topics in life is through humor.

Paddy: Facts.

[00:42:00] I think not taking myself so seriously, especially publicly these days, is absolutely helping me have more fun at this point in my career because it, it helps me be in a more relaxed state of mind, even when, like, what I'm doing is still pretty serious. I mean, halfpipe is not safe

No,

Nick: at all.

Paddy: no,

Nick: to do a gold medal caliber run, you've like, it's crazy. You know, when I was younger, I, I knew that I wasn't the cool guy. I was not cool. And at a certain point if you try to be cool too long, you'll just self-destruct.

And so if you just learn how to make fun of yourself, that's really when you allow your personality to shine.

Or at least for me, because. I'm not good at being cool. I've never been good at being cool. You know, I'm nerdy, I'm quirky, and I can be funny. And so [00:43:00] I just lean into that and goes well with skiing.

There was a while when I think I was seen as just like an athlete, like a robot. Like

here's this nice kid, the wholesome who does this thing, he's good at it. Boring, not that interesting.

like, I just think showing people a little bit more of my personality has enabled more of a, community to know who I am and know what I stand for know, like kind of where my values lie. And I think that's important for building a fan base and connecting with people.

Paddy: In the run up to the Olympics in Cortina, do you have a new guiding philosophy to help direct your skiing and also help direct your personal life?

Are they one in the same?

Nick: yeah, I think it's all, it's all gonna be okay.

Paddy: Love that, I love that.

Nick: It's all gonna Okay. I had just had some, I had some stuff come up this summer actually that, you know, just really hit me like a freight train, but really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But it takes getting to the other side of it and actually figuring it out [00:44:00] to realize that it's all gonna be okay. You need perspective and you get perspective by doing things and pushing through things. And so at this moment in time, it's all gonna be okay. It's going to work out. It's going to work out.

Paddy, I promise.

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Paddy: so It is now time for the final ramble. One piece of gear you can't live without.

Nick: Goggles. Specifically clear lenses. I don't mean like nighttime clear, I just mean spotless lenses. Just take care of your lenses. And I always

Paddy: Agreed. '

Nick: em, I put 'em in the case. I wipe 'em down, I never set them down on the snow.

I don't let water get in there.

Paddy: on your face or in the case, that is

what you gotta live by. Boom. Best outdoor snack.

Nick: Carrots.

Paddy: What?

Nick: Yeah, I said it. Carrots

Paddy: Are, are you going like, full bugs Bunny, or are you going

Nick: or apples? What other foods can you literally just pull off of [00:45:00] Mother Nature, put in your backpack and they are good for like two weeks.

Paddy: Okay. I, I've never thought about Yeah, you're right. Grapes aren't doing it. Berries aren't doing that. Peach will

bruise

Nick: those get smashed. Apples

Paddy: Every time banana leaves the house, it decides to turn into mush.

It knows the threshold of the front door for crying out

Nick: Yes. A carrot or a carrot or an apple can live in the bottom of your bag for weeks and still be edible.

Paddy: Let me get this right. when I'm watching you in Cortina, do a a whirly bird in the stunt ditch. Am I to believe that you get a pocket full of baby carrots?

Nick: You are to believe I've got a 10 inch Italian carrot

Paddy: my

Nick: in the bottom of my bag.

Paddy: Wow. That might be the first vegetable, honestly, that anyone said. I like your style Root veggies, folks.

Nick: Yeah, exactly.

Paddy: Okay. What is your hottest [00:46:00] outdoor hot take?

Nick: I love this one. All right, this goes this, this is going directly to pet owners

of the world.

Paddy: Oh, yes.

Nick: You're on a hiking trail or maybe even like a skin track that's a little more rare in the wintertime, but you're on a hiking trail and owners specifically of dogs. they, pick up the dog shit with the bag and then they tie the bag, and then they leave the bag on the trail, presumably to go out to the trail, come back, and then pick up the bag on their way back and then go to the car.

Well, there are many, many instances where this does not happen, and the bag of shit does not get picked up, and it is left on the trail forever or for someone else to pick up.

so I'll just say, pick up your shit.

Paddy: I'm into

it. Pick up. Pick up your poop. People Pick

Pick up your poop.

Nick: up your poop.

Paddy:  MUSIC IN THE CLEAR FOR A BEAT

PADDYO VO:

Nick Goepper is [00:47:00] a freestyle skier. He won a bronze medal at the 2014 Winter Olympics, a silver medal at both the 2018 and the 2022 games, and he has also won five gold medals and two silver medals at the Winter X Games. Nick Goepper is verrry good at skiing. Check him out representing the good ole US of A at the games in Cortina this February. And follow his skiing adventrues and hilarious goofiness on Instagram at Nick Goepper.

 Also, remember, for all you folks with podcastery synesthesia, you can now see these words. That's right, we are now on YouTube. Check out video episodes of the podcast and take a gander at the sportiness of my mouth in vibrnat technicolor. Just search The Outside Podcast on YouTube.

And, don't forget that we want to hear from you. Sooo, email your pod reactions, guest nominations, the Olympic sport you plan to [00:48:00] arm chair expert during the games in Cortina - "Ya know, skeleton is just the singles line of the bobsled world..." -- , and whatever else you want to tell and/or ask us to Outside Podcast At Outside Inc Dot Com.

The Outside Podcast is hosted and produced by me, Paddy O'Connell. But you can call me PaddyO. The show is also produced by the storytelling wizard, Micah "I coulda been an ice dancing contender, I coulda been somebody" Abrams. Music and Sound Design by Robbie Carver. And booking and research by Maren Larsen.

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